There comes a time when all we need is a friend

Woman: Mind if I sit next to you?

Man: *smiles* No, of course not.

Woman: You're from around here? I'm new.

Man: Yep.

Woman: I'm staying here with my father. He's ill. We thought he could use some sea and sun.

Man: *nods*

Woman: It's very nice here.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: Sometimes we forget God gave us such privileges and all we have to do is look and see. *brushes off sand from palm*

Man: *bents head*

Woman: We're having a small house-warming this evening. I'd be honored if you'd come. At least when strangers started asking me personal questions, I can run to a friend who apparently is very articulate. *smiles*

Man: *chuckles* I'd love to. Thank you.

Woman: Great! My house is over there. *points*

The woman walks away from the ocean and when she was far enough, the man stands up, looking at something shiny and heavy in his hand with guilt on his face. A tear drops, then a lot. When all is spent, he takes a deep breath and throws the gun into the water, gratified, knowing the woman has saved his life.

Can't we just stay in the moment?

I'm worried.
If we're not going to continue,
I'm worried about you.
Will you be OK?
I'm heartbroken.
For all the things
that we both have said
and all the issues
that have been spoken yet unresolved.
But most of all,
I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
What do I do if we go on?
And if we don't, I don't know how to move on...

Have a little patience

Problems don't leave in a relationship. People do.
That's why we need to resolve issues.
Saying things that sound right does not make things right. In fact, that might make it worse.
So wait for the best time for both and talk things through.

I'm waiting for that time.

So... What now?

Saya bukan manusia yang sempurna. Saya tahu saya ada flaws. And lots of it. However, one thing I can do is read people. Though not that well, I think I can read them well enough. When I can't read people, I get nervous, because I know that something is wrong somewhere or something is unsaid.

Right now, or for these past few months, I can't read you. Saya dah cuba. Tapi still tak boleh... I justify for you, I explained you to my conscious. Yet I still can't figure you out. I used to be able to but not anymore... And I'm worried. But mostly, I'm scared...

I don't know what to think now. After all we've talked about, I still find that nothing was resolved. That things would still be as it is... I'm sorry I make you jealous. I can't push my friends away. I'm sorry I make you feel insecure. I have tried changing that yet it stays the same. I'm sorry I make you loving me a difficulty. I can't change how I look.

Saya sayang awak. Everybody knows that. But I'm not so sure anymore that mere love can help us now.

I know this might seem irrelevant but when I read this, I understand what he was trying to say... The interview itself was immature but the content of the conversation is relatable - to me anyways.
David Arquette - Why Courteney Cox and I Split

You Against The World

Ya Rabbi. Kenapa ada manusia yang tak faham dia tu tak boleh membimbing? Kenapa kamu rasa semua benda perlu jadi complicated? Why the heck would you want to do that? What do you get from that? Please do tell me. In case I'm being difficult and sub-consciously refusing to understand you.

Esok lusa jangan jadi macam ni sudah.

Self-Control

Ladies,

Whatever comes our way, our best defense is always our poise. When you lose your calmness and end up being bitchy to others, that's just so wrong. Aku faham masa tu kamu tengah stressed out because of a possible loss of a family member. I have lost my father, and that happened when I was just 11. You can say I did not fully understand what happened since I was so young. Wrong. I had complete awareness of what was going to come. That was why I was so depressed. Yet, I did not take it out on almost strangers, I still talked to people in a way that will make them believe I was OK and I was being brave.

If you had just cried, I'd understand and pity you. But to say "Fikirlah sendiri, fikir, fikir. Ada otak kan? Fikirlah sendiri"... I'm sorry, but that is just too wrong.

This goes to the guys as well. Cool guys are labeled cool because they are cool. They know they are not supposed to lose their composure.

I am still a nobody to you. It's good that you see me as something more. But even families don't do that to each other, kan?

I know I'm not practicing this right at this moment, but frankly, I don't care. I need to vent this out.

Hope all goes well with you and your family. Hope whatever happens, you'll stay strong and hold on for the sake of others.

Mama Saya

Disebabkan rasa macam dah lama tak jumpa mama, saya rindu sangat dengan dia.
Tapi sementara tu, meh kita cerita some of my most memorable moments with her.
Before that, do note that when she's uber tired, she'll respond to questions in total random mode.

First example:
I was studying for my UPSR (Science Paper) quite late at night and my mom (despite how tired she was) decided to teman me study. It was going pretty well for a while until I came across one question about batteries (you guys remember kita kena belajar anod katod tu kan) and I did not understand one part of it (which part, I can't remember).
So anyways, I asked my mama a question "Ma, kenapa bateri ni macam ni?"
And my mom (who was already closing her eyes at that moment) answered ever so fluidly - "Sebab ramai orang dalam tu."

Yes ladies and gentlemen, dalam batteries we have actual people. And lots of them. Aleh2, dengan pasrahnya I said, "Jom ma, tidur." -_-
But this story is our favorite among others. And we love her for these. ;D

Second example:
A short one. I was looking for something (with my kepala lutut as always instead of my eyes) and I asked Mama where it was. She (tired and all) answered while pointing to lets say south "Tu atas meja tu."
The direction she was pointing at had NO table. So I asked again (again - mata kat kepala lutut) "Meja mana?"
She answered "Yang kat situ" while pointing NORTH - the real table. Not the imaginary one.
The best part? Dia tak sedar pun dia tunjuk two completely different directions.

These are the reasons why we (the children) call her makcik comel.

 This photo was taken the last Raya all of us had with arwah Ibu (Mama's best friend and our second mother). Yes, that dorky creature is my brother.

Love you Mama. Miss you!

I am...

COMMITMENT PHOBIC.

Yes ladies and gentlemen. The ever so faithful me is real but it comes with a defect - I am afraid of commitment. I am not talking about boyfriends and girlfriends. I think I can go on with my life being just girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm talking about the thought of getting engaged and married to one person. What if it's a mistake? I seriously doubt that he's wrong for me. I just think that I might be wrong for him. I mean, almost all my previous relationships ended badly (mostly because of a third person - not from my side, mind you) and when it comes to committing to one person, I get freaked out if one day he realizes "She was a mistake".

One thing I don't ever want to be is a Mistake. Like a grammatical error, or when you wore your favorite stilettos the day there were puddles everywhere. When you're thinking "I shouldn't have done this", it hurts. Especially on the other end of the relationship.

When the time comes, perhaps I'll be ready. But sadly, my dear, that time is not now...

Kudos to those who are committed cause you guys have balls! I don't.

Cheer for change. And hopefully soon.